My daughter had been neglecting Tapper, her guinea pig this week, and Tapper knew it. The other evening as she climbed the stairs to bed, he squeaked and squeaked until she came back down and cuddled him for what he felt was a decent amount of time.
Tapper is a physical little dude. He knows when he's hungry and says so. He knows when he needs affection and says so. We try to meet his needs before he has to talk about it, but when we drop the ball, he calls it--and that's the problem solved. In this way, he's a good friend. No head games. Of course, he's a simple little rodent.
He's also a he, and his straightforward nature is similar to the nature of the other important little men in Dell's life: her cousins. Alex and Adam are her best friends. They too know when they're hungry, when they want to play, when they want a hug from her. When it's not in front of them, they ask for it. Simple.
I have told Adella over and over again that boys are an oasis of peace and honesty and to cherish that. Often I make this point by way of contrast with the little game-playing cliquey girls who populate her days at school. Their individual desires to be in and first and best with the most popular girl of the hour often cause them to be hurtful to each other--and most especially to my gentle and sweet girl.
I have stood by to let her work it out and I have stepped in when the girl bullying has been hurtful. Rich white suburban girls can behave like rabid little dogs, and they can inflict serious injury. When they are themselves--cruel and selfish--I remind my daughter that her best friends are her cousins and her guinea pig, and they cause no pain. Stay with the people who don't mess with you, I tell her, even if these people are rodents. Choose carefully.
This week's blessing: the boys who are good to my daughter because they love her through and through.
Blog Your Blessings
Tapper is a physical little dude. He knows when he's hungry and says so. He knows when he needs affection and says so. We try to meet his needs before he has to talk about it, but when we drop the ball, he calls it--and that's the problem solved. In this way, he's a good friend. No head games. Of course, he's a simple little rodent.
He's also a he, and his straightforward nature is similar to the nature of the other important little men in Dell's life: her cousins. Alex and Adam are her best friends. They too know when they're hungry, when they want to play, when they want a hug from her. When it's not in front of them, they ask for it. Simple.
I have told Adella over and over again that boys are an oasis of peace and honesty and to cherish that. Often I make this point by way of contrast with the little game-playing cliquey girls who populate her days at school. Their individual desires to be in and first and best with the most popular girl of the hour often cause them to be hurtful to each other--and most especially to my gentle and sweet girl.
I have stood by to let her work it out and I have stepped in when the girl bullying has been hurtful. Rich white suburban girls can behave like rabid little dogs, and they can inflict serious injury. When they are themselves--cruel and selfish--I remind my daughter that her best friends are her cousins and her guinea pig, and they cause no pain. Stay with the people who don't mess with you, I tell her, even if these people are rodents. Choose carefully.
This week's blessing: the boys who are good to my daughter because they love her through and through.
Blog Your Blessings
24 Comments
Snakes and snails and puppydog tails, that's what little boys are made of. Rodents and boys, a winning combination for sure. Pappy
ReplyDeleteI have two boys and they are my greatest blessings.
ReplyDeletewell, now I'm thankful for my four sons, no daughters...
ReplyDeleteI hope you stay safe in the storm this weekend. I count you as one of my blessing as your posts always make me think and smile.
ReplyDeleteLooks like all three "boys" are teaching her a valuable lesson. You are way early and I won't have mine up until Saturday night.
ReplyDeleteOh, I so know what you mean! Watching my boys make their way through middle and high school was relatively painless. Now seeing my 15 year old daughter trying to figure out how the whole social thing works is often painful. High school girls scared me when I was one of them. And they still do.
ReplyDeleteWhat wonderful advice. It took me until I was in my 30s to learn to walk away from people who hurt me.
ReplyDeleteIt's wonderful to hear she's surrounded by friends at home--and that when someone as small a friend as Tapper calls, she's there for him.
May it ever be thus...
ReplyDeleteSandy, your posts are always full of optimism, goodness, sensibility.
ReplyDeleteMy coworkers are definitely your kind of men, and I am grateful for them! Still maybe you should warn her that the headgames type of men do exist, even though they may be rare. And likewise the straight and honest type of women, but I have the feeling you know that already.
ReplyDeleteMaybe all pets ressemble their adoptive family, not just dogs! I wonder how that works out with goldfishes.
This post made me cringe and nearly cry for what your daughter is going through. It is soooo true that schoolyard bullying (verbal and otherwise) is an unspoken plague in our society. I'm dealing with this sort of thing now with my grandson...except it's another little boy who pushes him down on the playground and insults him.
ReplyDeleteI wish that every child had a safe place - a guinea pig - to come to when life gets this unpleasant. She is lucky to have the love and support of so many. Great post.
Kudos to her for being the bigger person.
I feel not alone
ReplyDeleteAs kids, sometimes we are not always savvy enough to find the company of those who cherish (and honour) moments of peace.
ReplyDeleteAs adults, we value it more than anything else ....
I wish I'd read your words of wisdom when Jasmine was going through her, "boys are evil," stage. I can remember saying, "you can't just hate one half of the population," but a good concrete reason for keeping them around would have been nice. As it is, I'm afraid she'll come up with some of her own reasons pretty soon.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sound advice and its true!
ReplyDeleteAdella is lucky and blessed to have a Mama that watches out for her. Childhood is not an easy path.
ReplyDelete"boys are an oasis of peace and honesty..."
ReplyDeleteAs a former young lad, I recognize this is probably the first and last time I will have seen these words put together in that way...
Kidding aside, having daughters I will say, boy aren't peaceful, but they are much more simple... and the "pain" they can affect is fleeting and often forgotten amongst themselves... whereas girls can be quite... um... toxic? Vitriolic? Acidic? Well... what you said.
I have three sons and a daughter. It's so nice to see something positive written about boys.
ReplyDeleteNot mine though, the snots...
No, no, just kidding! -Greg
I learned early on the girls can be a royal pain! So I generally had male friends. :) They are so much easier to get along with. They don't try to stab you in the back and as you said they say what they want, you aren't required to read their minds.
ReplyDeleteBetter the rats than white middle-class brats!
ReplyDeleteHave a blessed week.
LOL--CyberCelt said it so well! Blessings, my friend!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful blessing :) And yes our furry companions can often be a better choice than are human ones. Kids can be very cruel.... :(
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to hear she has her boys that are good to her. I always hung out with my boy cousins growing up :)
I'm glad she has the boys and the pig. Clique girl problems are in the country as well as in the suburbs.
ReplyDeleteLessons abound in the 'ordinary' but how often we fail to notice and take advantage of 'teachable' moments with children. Like your little rodent, Molly and Ms. Kitty are wonderful role models for me in the way they take care of their needs and gain my attention to assist. Wonderful Blessing this week (as always). Thank you.
ReplyDeleteHugs and blessings,
Thanks for being here.