Craig Allen Lundwall
1966 - 2001
Today, April 8, marks the seventh anniversary of the passing of a dear friend. He chose to step back into the immense mystery of time and place by stepping out of this life when he was 34. I often wonder if he knew that by doing so he would become a teacher whose lasting memory, whose decision to close his book would open many others for me and perhaps for the many people who loved him.1966 - 2001
I think of him every day. Daily, some part of our shared lives comes back to me in fleeting moments and leaves me thinking about the gaps in my knowledge of him, his life, and the struggles that plagued him incessantly through many of his 34 years. I often wonder what I didn't know as I reflect on what I did know. I do this free of any desire for hard facts; instead, I seek to find some understanding of the nature of his very beautiful being.
The greatest lesson I have learned thus far is that there are no definitive answers, no saying "this happened for this reason and only this reason" or "it could have been otherwise if only...." This it not to say that the truth is relative but that we are relative, we change and we understand the truth in each other differently each time we approach it. Nor is this to say that no answers are valid or true, but the validity of all answers rests in the nuances that unfold over and over again and open up more possibilities--and these are different each time we approach them because we are different. The closer we come to each other, the more clearly we see that the spirit through which we live and move and have our being is vastly beautiful and richly complex, subtle, fragile, and eternal.
This great lesson has taught me the importance of knowing nothing, of letting things be as they are, of seeing them as they are, and of genuinely loving them as they are.
I miss my dear friend. I miss his candor, his tenderness, his big, big heart and all the goodness that sprang from it. I try to water my memory of him with my own life, to grow from the seed he planted and to live in, with, for, about, and by that mysterious love that embraces us always and eternally.
Other posts about Craig
12 Comments
That is a very beautiful memorial to Craig. Love Mom
ReplyDeleteOne can only hope that the sacrifice of one person may help others to appreciate the mystery of life even more. I have known some very kind and caring people who in my opinion had a rich life but whose desire to live lost out over the will to leave it all behind.
ReplyDeleteA very moving tribute... your friendship and love still shines brightly.
ReplyDeleteThat's very, very nice.
ReplyDeleteIn response to Stew's question about "allegory", I posted a comment you might enjoy (from a Poe standpoint, if not poetry) at getstewed.blogspot.com.
I'm very sorry for your loss, Sandy. It sounds like he was very important to you and others. You write a beautiful memorial to him. (((hugs to you)))
ReplyDeleteSandy, such a beautiful tribute. I'm sorry you had to lose a friend so early in life.
ReplyDeleteA very moving tribute to Craig. You write beautifully and I will stop there because I cannot add to it at all. It is just beautiful.
ReplyDeleteHi Sandy, your tribute to your friend is very moving. I am sure he was person who had touched your heart. And losing such a lovely person is tragic. Memories of lost ones can be emotionally depleting but instead when you draw strength from those memories they become positive. Thank you for such lovely post, you inspire me as always to write good and more than that - to think and be good.
ReplyDeleteI have read this and the other posts and thought about them long after reading them over for many times. Cause and effect are not so black and white, as you suggest. Pain is relentless for some, and yet we judge others without being able to know the intricate nature of their journey. Why is it that we recall failure in such situations instead of someone with greater insight? Reminds me of the song "Vincent."
ReplyDelete"The importance of knowing nothing." That is real wisdom, Sandy.
ReplyDeleteI love what you have to say about our own "relativity." The truth doesn't necessarily alter, but our perception of it does--a quantum view informed by hope. "We see through a glass darkly."
Thank you for reminding me of this.
How beautiful that you can look at his passing with such grace and positivity. Truly a testament to the person you are
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful tribute to your friend. Very well written and this quote..."This great lesson has taught me the importance of knowing nothing, of letting things be as they are, of seeing them as they are, and of genuinely loving them as they are."...should end up in famous quotes somwhere. Awesome!
ReplyDeleteThanks for being here.