Field Day: The Road to Hell

Ready for some high-energy fun, I instead watched a cliche unfold during an event at my daughter's school-wide field day recently. The cliche: the road to hell is paved with good intentions. The event: a game called cupid's arrows in which three children stand between two rows of children, who are armed with small foam balls, and toss up hula hoops. The child on the side who passes his ball through the hoop receives the honor of replacing one of the children in the middle who had the hula hoop. On it goes as the center children are pelted with foam balls and clunked on the head with their own rapidly descending hula hoops.

Field day is organized mayhem during which the parents are invited to come along and see firsthand the challenges of keeping 20 or so kids alive during PE. For this parent, for whom the mere word gym invokes image of hellfire and dodgeball, showing up for field day is the ultimate labor of love. I did it. Yes, I did it. And I found myself assigned to this flaming ring of hell called cupid's arrows. How I longed to be at the three-legged-race station. Or even the egg toss. Anyplace but cupid's arrows.

But it wasn't so bad. Not at first. The kids knew the game and the rules. They played any way they wanted to, but they abided by the key rule that you must get a ball through the hoop to earn your place in the center. And it was fine. I retrieved balls from the periphery and cheered and got away with being at field day without any athletic ability.

But then Mr. Entitlement decided to change the rule about who got to be in the center. No longer was this a place of honor after succeeding at the game; this was an entitlement of every child in the line regardless of performance. Now we would cycle 20 kids through the center in 10 minutes just because they showed up. Welcome to hell.

There were tears. Whining. Stomped feet. Storming off. More tears. Boys and girls alike became indignant if they didn't get their turn in the middle when they bloody well thought the time was right for them to be there. Many of these kids found the surplus hoops and helped themselves. Suddenly seven hoops were up in the air where there had been the regulation three and head after nose after head felt crack after crack from these tumbling plastic halos.

The architect of our demise, this daddy who wanted everyone to be a winner even at the expense of every winner's sense of accomplishment, killed the game and the mood on the field. The frustration my daughter and I had shared during basketball season seized me in the gut. That frustration had everything to do with refs who called the game willy-nilly. The pleasure of interaction in sports is that the rules are clear and the skills required are clear, so quality of performance determines the victor. When these are skewed, anger and frustration ensue.

During a break on this morning, another mom who was helping out remarked to the father who turned everyone's morning upside down, "When I was a kid, someone won and someone lost and that was it. It was a game." Though it was a direct hit, it was lost on this fat-headed guy, who made a big psychological deal out of a silly game.

During another break, when I was the only one left standing near him, he passed a remark about a school referendum. Our region had voted against building a new elementary school last year. There just wasn't enough imaginary money to go around to pay for a new building. "If they had held another referendum, they would have gotten the vote they wanted, and we'd be building right now. But they let it go." The same frustration seized my gut again. (It's obvious what's wrong with this, right? Voting people into submission?)

Tell me how to reason with a guy who doesn't play by the rules. Any rules anywhere ever. All I could do was walk away. I'm not good at this kind of sport.

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13 Comments

  1. Anonymous8:24 PM

    I'm sorry I changed the rules. I thought it would be nice to have EVERY kid win and EVERY kid lose. And the referendum comment was really in confience between us. I had no idea it would upset you so. I STILL think there were three more hoops they HID on me!

    And, who has the highest priced gas in the U.S. of A.? Yep, you betcha, Samuel Clemens' Connecticut. (Sorry, that just doesn't look right: Clemens's IS better!)

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  2. Anonymous9:02 PM

    Our role as parents is to give our children the ability to live on their own once we've gone. That means they must be able to make their own decisions and choices. They must know the basics (manners, cooking, cleaning, communication, etc). Above all, we must teach them how to survive in a dog-eat-dog world. NOT everyone is a winner. There are winners and losers. That's the game of life. We can never change that! By trying to protect our kids from that we are hindering them, not helping them. It's not a kind gesture, it's deceitful and harmful.

    I cringe at the idea that I will have to deal with this when my kids get older...

    Your post is very nicely written. You have a way with words.

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  3. I see this all the time in our community as well. That is why now EVERYONE receives certificates and everything is made even. I think it is silly and it can really kill the spirit of sportsmanship and fun.

    Too bad, I would have just walked away as well.

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  4. Good for you Sandy. Unrealistic outcomes are not life as it is, and kids who come from the "whatever you do is okay" system of training often have a difficult time contending with real life situations. Stand by your principles, nothing wrong with that.

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  5. at least it was a bonding moment. a time so special. the experience might not always be great but time is gold. and giving your time for this makes me wish all the parents will do the same.

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  6. It reminds me of many kids who express their right to total freedom - and hang around on corners, bored.
    True freedom requires a modicum of unfreedom - in other words, basic rules to make society work.
    Try being a great footballer without a team. The rules bring out the best in us.
    Of course, the secret is that it is MINIMUM rules. That's all that's required.

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  7. Anonymous7:08 AM

    I just finished reading Boys Adrift. I am not sure but you may have put me on to it.

    If the father at your game had read the book he would have realized the importance of the competition.

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  8. There is no reasoning with a guy like that. He thinks he knows all is always right so no use wasting your breath. :)

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  9. It's stories like these that make me glad I don't have to do this kind of thing. I don't know if I could have walked off, Sandy. You are a very kind person... :D

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  10. Some day you can not play if th rules are byfools,

    all of us must learn That resistance is not futile or we bevcome victums of these fools

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  11. Anonymous9:02 PM

    This is why so many people are unable to live by any kind of rules these days. They make them up as they go along and find ways to justify their actions. Or worse, end up in jail with no concept of what they did wrong. Extreme? Maybe. But kids live what they learn.

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  12. There is nothing you can get through to a fat-headed person like that.

    His kids will suffer in the real world. I believe a lot of what is wrong with society is that everyone has to win.

    Last year at school for the History Fairs and Science Fairs my kindergartner got a blue ribbon. That was just for being a student. It bugged me. But apparently about 3rd grade they start having competition. Where is the transition? It should be in Kindergarten. Children should start learning what the real world is like the second they're born. Comfort can come from home, but the real world is not equal and not fair, and you have to WORK HARD to win. What's wrong with teaching children (of any age) that?

    Loved your writing.

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  13. Good grief this post thakes me back! I hated field day as a kid and more as a parent...I have another old saw for you...no good deed goes unpunished...so just wait, the one who decided to change the rules to include everyone? His day is coming...and soon! lol
    Sandi

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Thanks for being here.